The Top 5 Ways Your Teenager Will Drive You Crazy

I remember watching my black lab, Chopper, in the act of vigorously licking himself or eating horse poop or engaging in other pretty disgusting doggy-acts and this occurred to me: he’s just doing what dogs do. Let’s apply that to a teenager who, by nature, will also engage in behavior that is maddening, ridiculous and — much like Chopper — occasionally disgusting. Just like a dog, a teenager has a certain nature and s(he) will just do what teenagers do. Here are the Top Five Teenage Behaviors that are universal and sometimes awful, much like Chopper’s self-bathing:

1. They lie.

Every one of them. It’s what they do. It’s not because they are immoral humans but lying comes easy and naturally to a teen. They will lie about where they’ve been, what they’ve done (or, in the case of homework, haven’t done), who their friends are, what the plan is, whether they’ve been drinking, what time they got home, etc. They do this because they’re trying to get away from you, emotionally and literally.

1. They have little or no motivation to do anything an adult would see as valuable.

They don’t care about being on time, achieving things, being with family, eating well, or not belching in public just to note a few socially acceptable behaviors. These things are not in their wheelhouse — again, not because teenagers are evil. It has to do with the Hormone Soup stirring in them along with a Brain in Transition and a hurricane of emotions seemingly out of their control. So…